Not only did I relocate to a mostly un-diverse, practically rural town, in a new country, on the opposite side of the continent, I also inherited teenage angst and was catapulted into motherhood. Obviously, with this and other step parenting blogs/books/information exchange, I expect to have this mastered by the time my bio-daughter reaches puberty.
Recently, I read somewhere about how my bio-daughter doesn't distinguish between her brother & sister. She would never refer to them as half-siblings and so why should I? She adores her older siblings, as they do her. We have seen sides of these teenagers we never would know if it wasn't for my littlest one screaming "I LOVE YOU" repeatedly until she gets the response she wants every morning.
Why can't I just accept the same theory. And so that's what I'm working on lately. It hasn't been easy. The fact that they have a bio-mom always affects my quest to being the maternal representation in their lives. Is it the stigma attached to trying so hard to not become the 'wicked' stepmother that I've lost my way? Perhaps.
At the end of the day, all 3 of these children will grow-up, move out and start families of their own. They will likely have blended families, and I want ours to be the example of a well-functioning one.
Below is part of an article I came across today, some parts helpful, others not so much; read on for more @ www.winningstepfamilies.com
Have Realistic Expectations
- Instant love and adjustment is not realistic.
- It may take 4 to 7 years to go through the stages of stepfamily development.
- Step relationships will never be the same as biological relationships.
- It's OK not to love your stepchildren.
- Do not compare family success to a first marriage model.
This being my only marriage, I can only approach with nothing but love and devotion.
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