The angry teenage man-child

Obviously, I'm not an expert in this area.  I had friends that were boys when I was 17, some of which I'm still friends with today, otherwise, I have no clue what goes on in these nearly-adult males.  I'm not sure if it's the holidays and he's suffering from withdrawal from his (girl)friends but this kid is one of the most short-tempered, angry, uptight teens I've ever met.  Granted, he's the only one I've ever lived with, but lately, he's an ass.  Even getting a "good morning" seems to suck the life out of him.  I vaguely remember a similar phase when he was 14, but he's just been a POS.
I'm tempted to have the "you catch more bees with honey" talk with him, but couldn't even bare his negative presence this morning, so I left the house for a few hours.  Of course he had not budged from the couch.

When school is out, I'm basically kicked out of my home because he spends all day, everyday watching soccer.

Happy Holidays everyone! Blurgh... I'm not the Grinch, I've just lost patience with this egocentric, self absorbed, 17 year old who is completely unaware he has the best life anyone could ask for.

Hygiene and the teenage girl

I've lived with these teenagers for nearly 4 years now.  The boy has showered everyday, sometimes twice a day since I can remember.  What he does during the 45 minute alone time in the shower is none of my business.  (Suffice to say I never had a brother so I just as soon not think about it.)  My teenage step daughter on the other hand, practically has to be threatened to get her in the shower.   Her hair gets so oily, it looks wet.  And the body odor is unbearable and reminiscent of my days living in the city.  When I'd walk by an alley with homeless people.  That burn your nose hairs stench.

Shocking? Not really, just refer back to my blog about the matted hair issue.  I talk to other moms of teenage girls and this is apparently quite common.  This species doesn't like to shower in general.  Apparently one day, the switch is flipped and they start taking 45 minute showers too.  I just hope that switch happens soon.  The whole pleading with her to bathe is getting a little annoying.  Ok, a lot annoying.  I just don't get it.  I grew up with 2 older sisters and there's no way my mother would let us get away with 2 days of not washing up.  Which is the rule I apply to my 3 year old.

I'm going to go wash my hair now....

Dress code malfunction

I'm at a lunch/business meeting when I get a text from my 13 year old telling me she got a dress code violation and needed me to bring her a sweater to cover her shoulders.  I immediately think she's probably wearing a tank top with spaghetti straps.  The school is quite rigid on exposed shoulders.  Unfortunately I can't make it back to her before the end of the school day so she gets the consequence of wearing her PE/gym uniform all day.  Which, you can imagine, is quite the punishment for a trendy teenage girl.

Turns out, the sweater I thought she needed wouldn't have made much difference since she was wearing her one-piece romper.  Which would be fine if she didn't have mile long legs.  For perspective, we're both 5'7, but her legs are at least 3-4 inches longer.  Something that makes me jealous but I've learned to accept my long torso over the years.  Somewhat. Not really.

Her legs are so long that a friend of mine nicknamed her Baby Giraffe.  We often refer to her as Baby G.... So when she becomes famous (she's convinced is a matter of time) she already has her rapper name.  "Baby G. in da house!"

Texting + illness = unresponsiveness

At 1am, my husband's cell phone rings/vibrates.  Of course, I hear it and he doesn't despite being on his night stand.  I confusingly nudge him to answer, in his groggy/sleepy state, he tells me it's our 13 year old and that she's not feeling well.  Which just adds to my confusion since she's sleeping in her room, down the hall from us.... yes, in our house, less than 20 feet away!  Turns out, she woke up with a stomach ache and was TEXTING my husband to do something about it for over one hour.  Instead of getting up and asking for help... WTF?  Call me crazy, but this is where my old-school style of parenting comes in.  Are you friggin' kidding me?!? You're in that much pain you decide to message me, in capital letters no less, instead of rolling your butt out of bed to get help.
My husband gave her Advil and was back in bed in 2minutes.  Not another sound from her, and she was bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning.  Oh the drama of a teenage beauty queen...

I admit after this situation, I agree with my parents and their usual "kids and technology these days..."

Here's what it looked like:

12:01AM
PLEASE HELP ME!
12:07AM
MY STOMACH HURTS
12:15AM   
DAD!!!PLEASE HELP ME!
IT HURTS SO MUCH... I CAN'T SLEEP.... 
12:38AM   
PLEASE HELP ME.... 
12:49AM   
I'VE BEEN TEXTING YOU FOR 1 HOUR!!
12:56AM  
DAD! HELP ME!!

Beware! New driver.

Recently, my stepson has come into his own.  In the past 4 months, he turned 16, became an all-star on his high school varsity soccer team (1 of 3 sophomores) and got his driver's license.
His new-found freedom has afforded him the luxury of driving himself to school & his infinite number of soccer practices. Hooray!  I think I was more elated than he when he got that sheet of paper allowing him to drive a vehicle sans adult passenger.   No more carpool, means I don't have to get myself and the toddler out of bed (of course she only slept in on the mornings I had to get her up), stick her in the car half asleep, drive around the neighborhood picking up 5 teenagers and driving them to school in rush hour.  I'll especially miss that brat of a kid who could never get his sh*t together on time, had 4 or 5 bags/shoes/books on the loose and always ran late.

So J has been driving himself around for nearly 2 weeks.  The other day when his alarm failed him, he panicked and asked for a last-minute ride to school.  Huh? What? Why?  Do I drive that much faster?  No.  He just figured it would be easier (which it would've been for him) to not have to worry about parking.  Easier for me?  Negative.  I was just waking up, still in PJs (aka no bra), changing my toddler's diaper and hadn't even started my caffeine ritual.  This could not end well.  Luckily he spoke to his father/my dear husband, who convinced him he was wasting time trying to get a ride when he could jump in his car and get there.  Which he did, of course.  Found a parking spot et al.  At the end of the day, I asked how he managed to get through the day without his 45minute shower?  He responded "My hair was all wrong".  LOL I can't imagine the horror he felt every time he saw his reflection with 'imperfect' hair.

So... I put a bottle of Dippity Doo hair gel in his car for such emergencies.