Friending your children, is it possible?

I can't help but feel grateful for this article someone recently shared on FaceBook.  It's about the foundation and balance of having a "friendship" with your children.  I have naively approached parenthood with more of a militant, "rules-are-rules, don't break them or you'll be punished" way.  Completely my parents fault, by the way.  They were strict Catholics and enforced the house rules more adamantly than I can ever imagine doing, leaving me to think I was being WAY more lenient than them.  Which is true, but I still lose my shit when I can't control something I think I 'should' as the adult.  Hindsight, this approach often only alienated the children and caused a great deal of anxiety and resentment for both parties involved.
Now of course children still need rules but letting go of petty things like cleaning their rooms (I now just close the door) and I am now focusing on embracing their quirkiness, poor hygiene habits and allowing them to be themselves.  Hopefully this establishes a mutual respect that will last a lifetime.

The good thing is that it's not too late to start anew, forge ahead with an open mind and heart.


http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/07/why-some-parents-their-children-have-great-friendships/

Hygiene and the teenage girl

I've lived with these teenagers for nearly 4 years now.  The boy has showered everyday, sometimes twice a day since I can remember.  What he does during the 45 minute alone time in the shower is none of my business.  (Suffice to say I never had a brother so I just as soon not think about it.)  My teenage step daughter on the other hand, practically has to be threatened to get her in the shower.   Her hair gets so oily, it looks wet.  And the body odor is unbearable and reminiscent of my days living in the city.  When I'd walk by an alley with homeless people.  That burn your nose hairs stench.

Shocking? Not really, just refer back to my blog about the matted hair issue.  I talk to other moms of teenage girls and this is apparently quite common.  This species doesn't like to shower in general.  Apparently one day, the switch is flipped and they start taking 45 minute showers too.  I just hope that switch happens soon.  The whole pleading with her to bathe is getting a little annoying.  Ok, a lot annoying.  I just don't get it.  I grew up with 2 older sisters and there's no way my mother would let us get away with 2 days of not washing up.  Which is the rule I apply to my 3 year old.

I'm going to go wash my hair now....