EXTRA! EXTRA! I have 3 children!

As it turns out.. I continue to struggle to accept that, despite living a lifestyle parallel to Carrie Bradshaw's less than 5 years ago, I now have a husband, a 17, a 14 and a 3 year old. My issues range from toddlers wetting the bed to drama surrounding college applications and first periods.

Not only did I relocate to a mostly un-diverse, practically rural town, in a new country, on the opposite side of the continent, I also inherited teenage angst and was catapulted into motherhood.  Obviously, with this and other step parenting blogs/books/information exchange, I expect to have this mastered by the time my bio-daughter reaches puberty.

Recently, I read somewhere about how my bio-daughter doesn't distinguish between her brother & sister.  She would never refer to them as half-siblings and so why should I?  She adores her older siblings, as they do her.  We have seen sides of these teenagers we never would know if it wasn't for my littlest one screaming "I LOVE YOU" repeatedly until she gets the response she wants every morning.

Why can't I just accept the same theory.  And so that's what I'm working on lately.  It hasn't been easy.  The fact that they have a bio-mom always affects my quest to being the maternal representation in their lives.  Is it the stigma attached to trying so hard to not become the 'wicked' stepmother that I've lost my way?  Perhaps.

At the end of the day, all 3 of these children will grow-up, move out and start families of their own.  They will likely have blended families, and I want ours to be the example of a well-functioning one.


Below is part of an article I came across today, some parts helpful, others not so much; read on for more @ www.winningstepfamilies.com

Have Realistic Expectations

• Instant love and adjustment is not realistic.
• It may take 4 to 7 years to go through the stages of stepfamily development.
• Step relationships will never be the same as biological relationships.
• It's OK not to love your stepchildren. 
• Do not compare family success to a first marriage model.

This being my only marriage, I can only approach with nothing but love and devotion.

A savings account of love? Say what?

These last few weeks (months according to my husband) have been quite difficult on our marriage.  When we ask ourselves why, his response is that I need therapy or anger management, while my response is the (step) kids are driving me bat-shit-crazy.   The raising of teenagers is patient parenting X100000000000.  I love these kids, they're truly incredible and kind, but boy can I take them or leave them sometimes.
This holiday season was tough, lovely and wonderful in the way holidays are so much more fun with kids.  Except when everyone in the family gets sick.  Be it the common cold or the flu, there were 3 members out of commission.  Mix that with school break, and couch potato-ing becomes an olympic sport in this house.  I'm surprised there wasn't a champion for the one who used the bathroom the most.  It was painful to witness.

So I feel tremendous relief when I come across an article by Wednesday Martin Ph.D., author of Stepmonster (stepmonster I am not) that justifies my warp-speed anger/resentment about having to pick up another pair of shoes or 10 dirty tissues off the living room floor.  The article highlights the challenging personalities of teenagers and how, basically, if you didn't give birth to these angry little buggers, it's that much harder to keep your cool during adolescence.  As good as these kids are, they're still 13 & 17 years old and incessantly moody.

The bright side? Only 18 months before the first goes to college!

teens-can-drive-you-nuts-especially-when-theyre-not-yours

Serenity now. Praying for no insanity later...

Also, check out Mrs. Martin's blog for more information about raising these other people's children we get to call our own.  http://wednesdaymartin.com/blog/

Meeting the ex-wife's parents? How did I get here?

It's the holidays and everybody's happy and grateful and feeling generous… However, what I would like to know is why am I meeting my husband's ex-wife's parents?  Don't get me wrong, the relationship is amicable. We respect each other, mostly and definitely when it's regarding the children's sake. 

True, her parents live out of state, they are visiting for the holidays, and they're my step-children's grandparents. But that is the only connection. I am not related to them nor them to me nor them to my own child yet we are scheduled to meet them tomorrow for a quick pop in.  What the...?

They are from the south and I am sure they are lovely people. Honestly, I understand them wanting to meet their grandchildrens' half-sister. Kind of. Sort of.  Ugh... So unbelievably weird!  And being the cool stepmom I believe I am, I agreed to meet them since my husband asked so cautiously and politely. Promising me that we will not stay for more than a few minutes and that we were doing it for the children. 

I get it. I really do. It just doesn't make it any less awkward.