Truly grateful, I am.

For all the complaining I might do (remember, this is my outlet), it doesn't diminish the fact that my husband is an amazing father to all three of his children. He does his best, as I do, and sometimes we forget to look around at all the happy faces to appreciate how good we have it.

And for those curious, yes, he reads my blog. Good, bad and ugly.  And he stills loves and supports me with all his might.  But that doesn't mean it's always easy.  And that's perfectly fine.  I wouldn't have any other way.

Stepmom Burnout: What to do about it

Amazing read.  Especially after the holidays I just had.  Mini-breakdown, husband suggesting therapy when all I needed was a glass of wine, some chore-delegation and a warm bath,  alone with my thoughts. Piece of mind doesn't have to come at an hourly rate.  Zen.



Stepmom Burnout: What to do about it

I'm not alone! Boundary issues with the ex-wife.

I have my share of stories when it comes to dealing with the ex-wife.  She's aloof, flighty, awkwardly social or is it socially awkward?  In her case, I'll say both.  Often, after an encounter with her, I'm left thinking "how does one get through life like this?"  For instance, there's the time she called me in a panic hoping I was near her house so I could, get into her place, hopefully there'd be a key under the mat, find some legal documents she'd left behind and drive them to her since she needed them for a court hearing that morning.  Did I mention she's a lawyer?  Seriously.  Besides, why am I on her speed dial for such events?!  My husband's response was "great that she trusts you".  WTF? I would call every neighbor/friend/family member before calling her for help with something that further highlights my incompetencies...  How in the world do these people operate (heavy machinery) a vehicle, let alone raise children?!

Clearly, I was relieved to find this article about setting expectations and boundaries with the ex-wife.

http://www.stepmomhelp.com

Happy reading!  Nice to know I'm not the only one bewildered with this relationship.

I think I can.. I think I can.

Many supportive friends say I'm a great stepmother and that these kids will appreciate it some day.  I fear not.  I believe they will only truly understand my position/effort/love/dedication if they become a stepparent themselves.  Which doesn't usually qualify as what one wants to be "when I grow up"...

A savings account of love? Say what?

These last few weeks (months according to my husband) have been quite difficult on our marriage.  When we ask ourselves why, his response is that I need therapy or anger management, while my response is the (step) kids are driving me bat-shit-crazy.   The raising of teenagers is patient parenting X100000000000.  I love these kids, they're truly incredible and kind, but boy can I take them or leave them sometimes.
This holiday season was tough, lovely and wonderful in the way holidays are so much more fun with kids.  Except when everyone in the family gets sick.  Be it the common cold or the flu, there were 3 members out of commission.  Mix that with school break, and couch potato-ing becomes an olympic sport in this house.  I'm surprised there wasn't a champion for the one who used the bathroom the most.  It was painful to witness.

So I feel tremendous relief when I come across an article by Wednesday Martin Ph.D., author of Stepmonster (stepmonster I am not) that justifies my warp-speed anger/resentment about having to pick up another pair of shoes or 10 dirty tissues off the living room floor.  The article highlights the challenging personalities of teenagers and how, basically, if you didn't give birth to these angry little buggers, it's that much harder to keep your cool during adolescence.  As good as these kids are, they're still 13 & 17 years old and incessantly moody.

The bright side? Only 18 months before the first goes to college!

teens-can-drive-you-nuts-especially-when-theyre-not-yours

Serenity now. Praying for no insanity later...

Also, check out Mrs. Martin's blog for more information about raising these other people's children we get to call our own.  http://wednesdaymartin.com/blog/

The angry teenage man-child

Obviously, I'm not an expert in this area.  I had friends that were boys when I was 17, some of which I'm still friends with today, otherwise, I have no clue what goes on in these nearly-adult males.  I'm not sure if it's the holidays and he's suffering from withdrawal from his (girl)friends but this kid is one of the most short-tempered, angry, uptight teens I've ever met.  Granted, he's the only one I've ever lived with, but lately, he's an ass.  Even getting a "good morning" seems to suck the life out of him.  I vaguely remember a similar phase when he was 14, but he's just been a POS.
I'm tempted to have the "you catch more bees with honey" talk with him, but couldn't even bare his negative presence this morning, so I left the house for a few hours.  Of course he had not budged from the couch.

When school is out, I'm basically kicked out of my home because he spends all day, everyday watching soccer.

Happy Holidays everyone! Blurgh... I'm not the Grinch, I've just lost patience with this egocentric, self absorbed, 17 year old who is completely unaware he has the best life anyone could ask for.

Hygiene and the teenage girl

I've lived with these teenagers for nearly 4 years now.  The boy has showered everyday, sometimes twice a day since I can remember.  What he does during the 45 minute alone time in the shower is none of my business.  (Suffice to say I never had a brother so I just as soon not think about it.)  My teenage step daughter on the other hand, practically has to be threatened to get her in the shower.   Her hair gets so oily, it looks wet.  And the body odor is unbearable and reminiscent of my days living in the city.  When I'd walk by an alley with homeless people.  That burn your nose hairs stench.

Shocking? Not really, just refer back to my blog about the matted hair issue.  I talk to other moms of teenage girls and this is apparently quite common.  This species doesn't like to shower in general.  Apparently one day, the switch is flipped and they start taking 45 minute showers too.  I just hope that switch happens soon.  The whole pleading with her to bathe is getting a little annoying.  Ok, a lot annoying.  I just don't get it.  I grew up with 2 older sisters and there's no way my mother would let us get away with 2 days of not washing up.  Which is the rule I apply to my 3 year old.

I'm going to go wash my hair now....